My children are odd. I say that with the utmost sincerity. I still love them and always will, but I will always have this lingering thought of “Where did the weirdness gene come from”? Was it me, or was it from my oh so awesome (most days) husband who some in my family and friend’s circle, would call a, um, dork?
Most children, when born, would run away screaming and crying “cruel and unusual!” when they see the snot sucker. Those little blue bulbs that they use in the hospital to clear the neonate’s mouth out when born.
Yes, the snot sucker. It is the grandest invention, in my book. I am able to pull snot out of a screaming, writhing, infant in about 2.5 seconds. BUT, in those 2.5 seconds I also have a scratched lip, busted eye, a kick to the nose, and a burst ear drum.
My child can now breath better, so he can suck in all the necessary air to better scream in my ears. My neighbor can hear it. I’m sure my mother can hear him from 210 miles east of me.
Now, here I am farting around on my FaceBook, and Holdyn comes over to me. I take a sideways glance at him, and notice he has this huge blue mass hanging from his left nostril.
Um…OK? I think to myself “What did he get into now?” As I was standing up to go investigate farther, I now notice that it is the ingenious snot sucker. I sit back down, now realizing that nothing harmful has happened (my house IS babyproofed, but Holdyn is learning new things to get into on an hourly basis).
A few moments later, Holdyn is saying “Mom, Mom” and holding out his hand. I offer up my palm and he so generously gives me the slimiest, nastiest, greenest, and LONGEST booger that I have EVER seen come from an ADULTS nose, let alone a 21 month old’s.
Like I said. I don’t think the weirdness gene came from me. I get grossed out too easily.
Hmmm…I may have to rethink this one.